The Collision, Crash and Creation

The decision that dismantled my 11 year relationship

Part 1

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

I talk about what my life was before often, but I do it very vaguely and without detail. Honestly, I’m worried my ex and his family will see what I post and what my perspective is on everything. The last thing I want to do is create tension in the remainder of my relationships with them.

However, I do believe this is my story as much as it is his. This was my relationship, my entire life, and the heart to every decision I ever made from the time I was 17, to when I was 28.

I think the last time I went into this much detail was possibly on my Patreon. But even then, did I? Either way, this was such a pivotal point in my life that it has to be the origin of now

Let’s rewind to when I was 17 years old. I met my ex-husband at a graduation party for a mutual friend and at the time, I was a devout evangelical Christian.

If you grew up religious in any way, you may remember doing this exercise, but I had a list I had written of all of the attributes I had wanted in my future “husband”.

You know, the usual:

1. Must love Jesus with his entire heart.
2. Save sex for marriage.
3. Is a kind, strong, man of God.
4. Can hold me accountable and help me grow.
5. Must have horses.

Yes, horses were absolutely ranked highly.

So when I met him, we were sitting around a campfire in the back yard, and he told me his family had 15 horses.

Fifteen.

That was it. I was done. This must be him. My man of God. No more questions, let me know where to sign.

Needless to say, everything went very quickly and he and I got married when I was still a senior in high school. He went off to join the Air Force, and I met him there after I graduated.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was never miserable in my marriage. I was never unhappy, I didn’t feel like my needs weren’t being met or that he was mean or a bad man or any of those things.

I was happy.

I really was. For most of the 11 years we were together, I was genuinely happy.

I think that’s why it made our destruction so much worse and so confusing for not only myself, but everyone around us.